I Love Being My Son's "Lovie"

What does my son need to feel safe and secure?  He doesn't reach for a pacifier or a blankie or even a special stuffed animal.  Instead he reaches for Mommy or Daddy.  When Kenton lays down to go to sleep at night, he makes sure Mommy and Daddy are with him.  He actually has a harder time settling down to fall asleep when Daddy has to be away for the evening.  Sure he likes to bring his trucks to bed or maybe his 'key' (a toy rake he found at the park and declared it was the key to the gate in his Dora video).  However, when all is said and done at night, we can take away the toys and as long as he has Mommy and Daddy to cuddle up to or wrap up in our arms, he's content and drifts peacefully off to sleep most nights.  

Yeah, it takes more of our time to get him to sleep this way (I believe he takes about as much time as any kid to actually fall asleep), but I love every minute.  I love that bedtime has become a beautiful special family time.  It's not a battle; ok sometimes he fights against brushing his teeth or saying our prayers.  But in the end, most every night is a fairly smooth transition from play time to bedtime. As Kenton drifts off to sleep, Ray and I have the opportunity to relax and quietly reflect on the day.  Then we have a little time to ourselves before we settle in and drift off to sleep ourselves.

What a beautiful picture of the relationship God desires to have with us.  He wants us to run to him, to allow him to wrap us up in his arms to feel secure and safe.  He desires for us to trust him completely for everything.  


Too often we seek safety and security in things of this world.  We strive for higher and higher education, so we can attain a higher and higher paying job, so we can surround ourselves with things. We pad our lives with pacifiers, blankies, and teddy bears, so that we think we are safe.  The problem comes when we inevitably lose our "security blanket" then we fall into despair. We feel lost and scared and confused because our safety is not wrapped up God. Only God can give us the true security in life.


Thank you Lord for providing me and my family with your loving arms to keep us safe and secure.  We trust you completely for all that we have in this world.

Expecting Obedience

I've been reading the Sears Parenting Library books since before Kenton was born.  More recently, I've read the discipline book.  I was really impressed with the statement that to be successful in guiding our children we must first expect them to obey.  That's a state of mind we must put ourselves into when dealing with our children.  It keeps us focused on the task - we are not trying to win a particular battle with them, but rather guiding them into how to be self-controlled, motivated, courteous, and productive adults.  For me, keeping this as my guiding principle when dealing with disciplining Kenton keeps me thinking outside the box for how to teach him to deal with his frustrations.

The second point that really strikes a chord with me is that attachment parented kids want to obey - they don't want to disappoint their parents.  Kenton is only 2 years old, but I see this principle clearly in his behavior.  He delights in doing the things that bring him praise from his mommy and daddy.  Just like any toddler, he tests the boundaries regularly; however, when he gets a negative response he often reacts with sadness.  Obviously sometimes he is upset that he was told no, but other times I perceive that he is genuinely saddened that he has done something mommy disapproves of.  I sense his desire to act in a way that is pleasing to mom and dad.  (Not to act in a way that avoids punishment).

Isn't this the relationship God desires with his children.  Doesn't he want obedience because we love and want to please him.  Not because we are afraid of hell or punishment if we disobey.  God blesses obedience and entrusts greater responsibility to those whom have proven themselves trustworthy through obedience in the small things.

What a beautiful picture it is to see the joy in my child's face when I praise him for doing the right thing.  I actually look for opportunities to catch him in the act of doing something good without being prompted (it happens here and there already).  I don't constantly look for disobedience and focus on all he does wrong.  When he acts in a way that is unacceptable (weather or not he has a good excuse i.e. illness, tired, hungry, bored), that behavior is corrected and dealt with.  Then we move on and go back to enjoying ourselves.

Bedtime

Recently, we made a little change in our bedtime routine.  Kenton was nursing to sleep while I rocked him in the rocking chair (I loved these moments to relax with him at night).  However, he stopped falling asleep while nursing, and it would turn into a bit of a battle to get him to fall asleep.  Ray and I decided to tweak bedtime and it has made a beautiful difference.  We started laying down together as a family.  We get ready for bed, lay down and say our prayers before turning out the lights.  Kenton nurses a little then we all close our eyes and Kenton usually falls asleep within about 30 minutes.  He may move around a bit and play with the prized toy that had to come to bed with us, but he stays very calm and knows that it’s time to relax.  Bedtime is a wonderful time of family togetherness and most nights a no-stress time.  (When mommy’s over-tired, sometimes she gets a little impatient with Kenton, but most of the time it’s a very relaxing time before Ray and I have a little adult time before going to sleep ourselves.)

Related to bedtime is a very cute story.  Shortly after we made this nighttime change, I started praying one night.  Our prayers are never very long, but this night I hadn’t said more than 2 or 3 words when Kenton said “Ah-meen.”  Ray and both had to hold back the laughs as Kenton looked at me smiled and laid down on the pillow ready for the next step towards bedtime.  Since that night, he attempts most nights to end the prayers early; however, he always joins with mommy and daddy to say Amen at the end each night.