Expecting Obedience

I've been reading the Sears Parenting Library books since before Kenton was born.  More recently, I've read the discipline book.  I was really impressed with the statement that to be successful in guiding our children we must first expect them to obey.  That's a state of mind we must put ourselves into when dealing with our children.  It keeps us focused on the task - we are not trying to win a particular battle with them, but rather guiding them into how to be self-controlled, motivated, courteous, and productive adults.  For me, keeping this as my guiding principle when dealing with disciplining Kenton keeps me thinking outside the box for how to teach him to deal with his frustrations.

The second point that really strikes a chord with me is that attachment parented kids want to obey - they don't want to disappoint their parents.  Kenton is only 2 years old, but I see this principle clearly in his behavior.  He delights in doing the things that bring him praise from his mommy and daddy.  Just like any toddler, he tests the boundaries regularly; however, when he gets a negative response he often reacts with sadness.  Obviously sometimes he is upset that he was told no, but other times I perceive that he is genuinely saddened that he has done something mommy disapproves of.  I sense his desire to act in a way that is pleasing to mom and dad.  (Not to act in a way that avoids punishment).

Isn't this the relationship God desires with his children.  Doesn't he want obedience because we love and want to please him.  Not because we are afraid of hell or punishment if we disobey.  God blesses obedience and entrusts greater responsibility to those whom have proven themselves trustworthy through obedience in the small things.

What a beautiful picture it is to see the joy in my child's face when I praise him for doing the right thing.  I actually look for opportunities to catch him in the act of doing something good without being prompted (it happens here and there already).  I don't constantly look for disobedience and focus on all he does wrong.  When he acts in a way that is unacceptable (weather or not he has a good excuse i.e. illness, tired, hungry, bored), that behavior is corrected and dealt with.  Then we move on and go back to enjoying ourselves.